Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all out there…

Tim says that he will get me something for Mother’s Day later this week. He has an install and it is unaccounted for and money without a planned purpose and he will use that to get me what he wants to get me. Why does this upset me? He went and spent nearly $100 on a new barrel for his paintball gun yesterday that wasn’t a planned purchase. AND.. he didn’t pick up Fern or I so much as a card. I am deeply hurt and tearful. We are going to see Iron Man in a few hours.. because he wants to go and see it. Happy Mother’s Day to me. Fucking Asshole.

Like Nails on a Chalkboard

It has been a long week already and here it is only Tuesday. Sheesh. I am exhausted and face two more days of work before the weekend. It is just a BLAH! day here.. overcast, grey, raining off and on. I am quiet, tired, have a headache and feel rather down and blue.

This all started Friday night. There was a drum jam at Mystic Moon Mansion here in Arlington. Bud and Jewels were going and invited us to attend as well. Jewels wanted to me to go with her to do some adult shopping as well. Tim claimed that he was too tired from the week and the trip to South Padre to attend so that left us home .. AGAIN! Finally he asked me if I wanted to go with Jewels to the ‘Toy Store’ and I jumped at the chance to get out of the house for a few. I got to talk with Heidi and Lobo for a few minutes and listen to the drummers while Jewels went to the bathroom and then we left for the stores. We went over to Condom Sense and shopped. Well, we mostly looked and relived and shared too many stories much to the amusement of the other customers. One in particular caught my eye. Oh but he was lovely. Tall, slender with beautiful eyes and a smile that made the flutterbys move. He moved around the store near us, obviously listening and trying not to be obvious about it… though at one time he laughed and couldn’t stop it. I wanted to talk to him… but how do you convince your best friend that talking to a strange man is okay.. and then explain your life to the strange man. It doesn’t usually go over well and I don’t need anymore drama in my life. The attraction was there, the chemistry… He and I kept meeting eyes and smiling. In the end Jewels and I walked out the door and got into the van. As we were pulling out of the parking space he walked out the door and stared at the van, at me. I put it into drive and waited to pull out of the lot.. and he stood at the car watching us. He watched us drive off before getting into his car. It took a lot not to turn around and go back. I keep kicking myself and telling myself I should have done it, I should have gone back.. even Jewels agreed. *G* This strange man in a adult toy store has been on my mind for days… and I did go back after I dropped of Jewels… even though I knew that he wouldn’t be there.. I went back.

Saturday we attended the Phoenix Beltane and Alison and Rick were on time, had paperwork for everyone and got right to work setting up and getting ready. We were all shocked. We had a great ritual and I spoke briefly to Alison. We will see how it continues.

We then went to Chaos’ for OIC and New Moon. It was held in her Circle in the field.. the Pecans and Oaks shaded us and bore witness to our Circle. The energy was an audible hum. It was awesome. At Feast after we talked about it and perform Lotion and the accompanying interperative dance. It was a riot.

I worked Sunday and Monday. They were busy days. Tim and the kids cleaned house and did projects around here Sunday and then he behaved as though I should drop to the ground and be so thankful that he did them - FUCK THAT!!! It is their house too and everyone can help out. Monday the kids were out of school so he took them to work with him. They played at Chaos’ with Hunter while he worked. He then came home early and goofed off. He actually griped at me for falling asleep on the couch last night!! I even forgot to tell him about Denise from work… but got to hear all about the paintball crap…

So.. I am tired and irritated and horny and just worn out from it all… ~le sigh~ gotta run and make dinner….

Getting Good Mind

What a relief it truly is when you can pick up the phone and connect with another person, or persons as the case may be on a primal and fundamental level. You don’t have to explain yourself, worry over what they will think, you can merely be and laugh and talk. No worries over what they will think. No worries that you will be misunderstood and not asked for an explanation. And best of all.. they get it. They get you.

Here we go…

So much has occured within the last few weeks that I am uncertain of where I should start. Perhaps I should wait on the last few weeks and just talk about today. Yeah… that would be good for me right now. Then we will cover this past weekend and jump back and forth.

Tim left for Corpus Christi this morning before 0300. He and Patrick were taking the flatbed to San Antonio with a full load and then Patrick would be coming back while Tim went on to Corpus. I am still not sure if he spending the night down there or not but I am not real worried about it. It means that the kids will be sleeping in my bed though. They always do when he is out of town. The plan is to eat junk food and watch Harry Potter until bedtime… somehow they don’t mind.

I have talked with Tim on and off through the day. Fern has been gone at the doctors and shopping so it has been Devin and I at home. I spoke with Bud on the phone and Jewels and Alison online. We have been discussing the best way to talk to the HPS about things being so far behind. I consulted an Elder here in our community and she agrees to the approach that I feel is best so we will see how it goes.

 I am planning on calling the CO Clan soon as well. It has been a melancholy type of day and I want some contact with people that just enjoy hearing from me for no particular reason. I am still tired from yesterday and Mr. Please-Shave-My-Penis. I have been catching up on email and such all day. I sent a note to Kerry and got a phone call in return. WOW. He is back stateside and will call when he can. He survived Iraq. He made it home in the last day or so. My dumb ass read his wife’s blog. Why would I do that? How stupid am I?

I met him when I was 15… I can remember that night so clearly. We found each other again a few years ago and have talked back and forth since then. I love him, I always have. I don’t know if we could ever live with each other but it doesn’t change how I feel for him. Now comes the questions about what the plan is, the future… I am not asking for forever or even marriage. Just a “What is going on here with us?”. I can handle a Just Friends answer. That would probably be for the best, and since he lives in Kentucky the most likely answer.

I am rambling and not making any sense… is it late enough I can call y’all??

Test

This is a test. This is only a test. Had it been an actual blog entry I would hope that you would enjoy it. However, please do enjoy this photo…

 

Hello world!

I suppose this should be the first post.. just playing around right now and figuring stuff out.